I could very well be crazy.
Don't think it hasn't occurred to me. Psychotic break? Hallucinations? I could be going just like

Not important. Not like I've been acting particularly rationally. For all I know, I could be entirely delusional. Hanlon's Razor isn't as nice when it's not working in your favour.

And knowing this? I could just, turn around I suppose. Turn the car around, drive back and get myself put in a mental institution.

I don't think I want to though.

Back in Ottawa

What it says on the fucking tin. A little miserable. Forgot my boots here, and don't you know it snowed here while I was away. Lugging a suitcase through the slush is an exercise in fucking futility.

Been ditched by Miranda for the evening. Lovely girl most of the time, but she seems to be in a bit of a state. Not sure why. We hardly talked over the break.

My sleeping is still wildly fucked up. I've got two nights to get it back under control before classes start up again.

I dropped by the coffee shop on my way to the train. Bad idea, since, the Coffee Shop, and because it fucked my schedule (along with the subway) and I nearly missed the damn train. Train ride was nice though. But anyways, one of the guys in there said the two longcoat dorks were back in, end of November. Figures, right?

Glad I'm not fucking working there any more.

Happy Fucking New Year

Yes, you read that right.
Hello 2012, we're off to a great start aren't we?
Fuck you too, new year. I did not ask for sleep problems.

Maybe these'll clear the hell out when I get back to Ottawa.

So what have I been up to? Photos, among other things. Went out and got some good ones, one is even a decent photo of myself, if anyone's interested. However, while I was out, of course it hadn't snowed here when I left Ottawa so I only brought my running shoes. So outside, in the cold, running shoes and a camera, I happen across some ice. One foot slips, the other goes too, and I manage to bang my shins pretty nicely on the ice. Little bit of bruising, but I'll be a little more careful.

But yes. sleeping problems. Sleeping too much, not sleeping enough. My whole sleep cycle is a little fucked right now. Expect posts (like this one) at odd hours of the morning. Of course, all the problems that go along with not getting proper sleep have tagged along for the ride. Irritability, problems remembering things, I've spaced out a few times, general lethargic behaviour, poor appetite. The whole nine yards.

I leave on the sixth. And I will be happy to do so.

Pattern

I remember reading an article a while back, can't remember where, about how the human mind is essentially geared to look for and recognize certain patterns, the shape of a human face, for instance. It's an instinct... a skill set that's hardwired into us, ostensibly so we wouldn't get eaten by tigers or something. The article goes on to say that the human mind even tries to find patterns in places where they don't exist. It's where you get kids making the clouds out to be dragons, or kittens or what have. How we got that famous face on Mars, and why there are conspiracy theorists. Misfires. Because the human brain apparently needs to do this. But does it recognize breaks in patterns as well? The one thing that doesn't fit in a crowd?
I'd like to think so. If the human brain is geared towards patterns, it seems to make sense that it should recognize changes to them.

So let me tell you about houses. The houses on my street, most of them have christmas lights. Or lights period. You can see them as you walk down the street. Except for a few of them. A house with no lights on, no cars in the driveway, sitting on it's own at the end of the street gives me an... off sort of feeling. One of these things doesn't belong, you know?

And I'm going to get into touchy feely stuff, because the season sort of merits it. Christmas is that whole family thing, but I'll be spending it five hours away from mine, with my mother's sister, for assorted reasons. The least of which is that I have no desire to see my father, a miserable, hateful, decrepit, alcoholic excuse for a human being for whom death cannot come soon enough.

Things with Miranda are going well, though she's still glaring at me if I so much as mention the homeless guy from the other day. I've got a week until I take my train ride. Probably spend the whole thing liveblogging, if anyone cares to enjoy it.

Caffeine withdrawal has started to subside. I expect I'll spend at least a week of the break sick as a dog post finals. But I've got a dinner date on wednesday (also the last of my exams), and need to finish this website.

Further Update

I could really have done with a wakeup this morning. Almost walked right out of the house without my glasses.

To those of you with vision that doesn't need correcting, I'll try to explain. Without my glasses, objects start to lose definition outside of arms reach. Like having a great big blur filter tossed over them. After a certain distance things like words and writing become indistinguishable blurs of little more than vague ill-defined shapes and blobs of colour.

I need more sleep. Just another week or so. It's snowed again, which means I'll be making my yearly trip to Toronto for the holidays soon I suppose. Snow always looks so pretty right after it's first fallen.

What am I on now... day... 3 plus, of not having caffeine.
Considering the habit was "at least once a day", I was expecting this to be... I don't know, easier?
I certainly credit it with the rash of absolutely *brilliant* ideas I've been having lately.
That was sarcasm. I know it doesn't translate well.

Suffice it to say that it's been fucking with my sleep a bit lately. Either I'm awake much too late without trying or I'm sleeping too lightly and waking up a few times in the night. Either way, it's doing wonders (sarcasm again) for my state of actually being awake in class.

So there's this girl in one of my courses. She's from the other section of the class, should be in the 2pm editing class instead of this one, but I digress. She's cute, blonde, and likes horror films.
So, in my half-awake state the other day, I ask her "hey, that theatre downtown is showing Dead Snow (Norweigian? zombie flick. Nazi zombies, very good). I was going to go with a friend, but he bailed." Completely out of the blue, no reason that I can think of other than that I was half asleep.

Want the shocking part?

She said "sure."

Well fuck me. What am I supposed to do now?

Caffeine withdrawal

So, I've started my winter project. I need something to do when it gets cold, otherwise I tend to spend my days inside doing completely unproductive things (usually sitting around playing flash games for 3+ hours) or sleeping.

I'm quitting caffeine.

This may seem counter-intuitive, given that I live in Ottawa.
For those of you unfamiliar with the region, it gets quite cold here. A cup of coffee (or hot chocolate, if you aren't a coffee person) is easily appreciated. And if you're in a program where you find yourself attending late classes, or needing to be awake at odd hours of the morning in order to benefit from the class?

But I digress, I'm now rather tired, after only six hours in and a full night of sleep? This is going to be an interesting first day.